Clayton goes to London

[Originally published: 9th Jan 2023]

Hello readers, and happy new year! I think it’s still just about early enough in the year to justify saying that. As you may have guessed from the title, we’re kicking off 2023 with a thrilling review of my recent trip to London, deep down in the strange, foreign land of the south.

First of all, the weather was rubbish.

It drizzled the whole time I was there. Admittedly, I can’t blame the city for this, but it did put a damper on things. I decided to spend a day wandering around the city centre, educating myself by looking at stuff and things. My first main finding? That London is at least 10% Pret A Manger by volume.

A Pret-y sad state of affairs

It seems to me that Pret is the Greggs of the south, only more expensive and with fewer sausage rolls. Also, more impressively, there seems to be a higher concentration of Prets in central London than there are Greggs in Newcastle (not that I have quantified this in any way beyond gut instinct and confirmation bias).

In a way, it is quite saddening that the most popular sandwich chain in London has a French name to make itself seem fancier. It’s pretentious, even. And it really says a lot that Londoners will splash out on a cheese and pickle sandwich just because it disguised itself as French. A pretender, you could say. But apparently, Londoners are just desperate for that Prety dejeuner… I’ll stop now.

Culture?

While in London, I thought I should visit some museums and art galleries, because they are free and I am cheap. First, I visited the British Museum, to check out all the cool stuff and things that eccentric Victorian aristocrats nicked from hot countries with a better history than ours. As morally dubious as the displays may be, I couldn’t help but be blown away by it all: the ancient Egyptian statues, enormous Minoan urns, and contested pieces of Parthenon. It’s all absolutely incredible, and it’s all under one massive roof (for now).

In fact, my trip to the British Museum made quite an impact. As you journey through thousands of years of history, you see that humans have always striven to make the most incredible and beautiful works of art that they can, investing precious time and energy into crafting and creating things which often served no practical purpose. Seeing such a record of human endeavour made me feel part of something big – not just a human community spanning continents, but one spanning millennia. It’s funny to feel so intrigued by our differences, but so connected by our similarities.

Of course, none of median-income Greek urners ever intended their work to end up in a museum, and I wonder if they’d be happy with this outcome. Who knows – maybe one day my crocheted tea cosy will end up under a glass case? The caption might read: “evidence suggests that, before The Event, anthroponids consumed the green flesh of photophores boiled in water. The spouted drinking vessels required insulation, and this was often decorated for religious or ceremonial purposes“. One can only imagine.

Not culture?

I also visited the Tate modern art gallery during my visit, and this served as the antidote to my epiphany at the British Museum. Any belief that humans have always striven to make incredible and beautiful works of art was well and truly shattered. As evidence, I present Figure 1.

There is a perfectly reasonable chance, of course, that I am too thick to comprehend the beauty of this piece. And yes, maybe there is something aesthetically pleasing about the trough of gravel, but I’m not sure this was what the creator was going for. Either way, the trip to the Tate was enlightening. Although I’m not sure I’ll ever go back.

Trials and Tube-ulations

Finally, my trip to London forced me to confront my love-hate relationship with the Tube. On the one hand, I love public transport networks, tunnels and trains, especially when there is a wealth of quirky trivia and Victorian engineering involved. On the other hand, I hate people and noise, both of which the London underground has in abundance. The only thing screeching louder than the Tube cars themselves is me once the Tube cars start screeching.

One thing I will add is that I really like the red buses. It might sound a bit cliche, but central London is a very grey place in winter, and they really liven it up.

Oh, and The Shard is pretty cool.

Big, big building. Didn’t go inside – just stood at the bottom and looked up at it for a while before scurrying away.

So, that wraps up the first post of 2023! I will try and stick to the schedule of posting every Sunday, but I make no promises, as I’m busy with other things at the moment. Stay tuned for more book updates and aimless waffling!