Ranked: British TV Quiz Shows

Hello readers! I’m going for a run-of-the-mill, tried-and-tested, thoroughly uninspired format today: ranking British TV quiz shows. Innovative, I know. But number seven might surprise you! If you’re the type of person to feel genuine surprise over the opinions of a stranger creating inconsequential lists…

First, some rules. These are all quiz shows that are currently airing on TV in the UK. They are quiz formats that were developed here, rather than being imported from the US. Finally, they are shows which use ordinary members of the public, not “celebrities”, which rules out gems such as Richard Osman’s House of Games.

9. The Tournament

What? Never heard of it? I envy you. This is a BBC quiz show produced by none other than the company behind QI, the much-loved quirky panel show about weird, lesser-known facts. You would THINK they could create something equally charming, maybe targeted at harmless oddballs who sequester useless information in their Dewey-Decimal categorised brains. Instead, we get a flashy, high-energy, low-input format which lasts a grueling 45 minutes.

The concept itself isn’t bad. It’s fairly generic, consisting of an initial ranking of players by quick-fire questions, then putting them into head-to-head contests until only one remains. The downfall is its execution, as far too much time is spent in mindless conversations with the players – something along the lines of:

“So tell me, Mabel from Swansea, what’s your game plan today?”

“Well Alex, I think I’m going to just try my best. It’s all I can do really.”

“Awww well, best of luck!”

(I watch, helpless, as ten seconds of my life are consumed by the void.)

“So, Paul, what made you pick this category then?”

“Well Alex, I just think it’s the one I know most about.”

“That sounds like a plan to me, Paul!”

(This type of interaction occurs every thirty seconds.)

Perhaps the most galling aspect of all is that the most you can win is £5,800, which is significantly less than other game shows, despite your struggles being significantly more traumatic.

8. Mastermind

This show has been running for 50 years, and you can REALLY tell. The opening sequence is so overly dramatic that it makes me chuckle rather than quake in fear. If you break it down, what we have is a big room, a looming orchestra, and an office chair that suddenly appears under a spotlight. Scared? You should be. This show was based on interrogations by the Gestapo, who I can only assume had a fondness for minimalist lighting and IKEA furniture.

The premise of Mastermind is very simple. Contestants each get a round on a specialist subject, then on general knowledge. That’s it. Unfortunately, this means that half the show is spent asking questions on the most niche topics imaginable, which can be a little tiresome. I imagine that getting just one question right would give a viewer a bit of a buzz, but this can’t happen often. And why watch a quiz show if you never get anything right? Certainly not for the “banter” with the host, because Mastermind doesn’t waste time on that nonsense.

7. Tipping Point

In this show, knowledge will only get you so far. The rest is in the hands of a coin pusher arcade game, with clinking sounds added in post-production for that shallow but satisfying impact. Sadly, this simple mechanism can lure in just about anybody, because it’s all too easy to start placing mental bets on whether the discs will drop. Of course, the audience gets really into it, providing a crescendo of “Oooooooohhhhh-! Aaaaaahhhhh…” as the tokens wobble but fail to fall.

Besides how shallow it is, there’s nothing inherently wrong or offensive about Tipping Point. However, the contestants have clearly come through some sort of low-pass intelligence filter, because the questions are shamefully easy, but the success rate is shamefully low. This is presumably self-defence on the part of the producers, because the jackpot can go as high as £20,000. All in all, Tipping Point just falls a bit flat.

6. Who Wants to be a Millionaire

Another classic quiz show, recently revived with Jeremy Clarkson, of all people – a man whose genius is almost frightening, and whose tabloid articles are scarier still. However, the premise of this show still holds up. There’s a lot of money on the table, and a lot of chances to lose it. The questions are easy enough to make you think “I could do that”, until one comes up where you realise “oh, I couldn’t do that…”, as if you were ever seriously thinking of applying.

5. Countdown

Sadly, this isn’t a show that have I spent much time watching. I know my elderly next door neighbour used to be particularly fond of it, because I would hear the theme blasting through the miserably thin wall that separated my bedroom from her sitting room. In fact, during Covid lockdowns, I sometimes had to relocate myself during Zoom meetings to avoid picking up Rachel Riley on my mic. Neighbourly grievances aside, however, Countdown is a great show. There’s a bit of inane chatter at the start, but after that the puzzling comes thick and fast. It’s such a simple but effective premise that its longevity is easily explained. The only downside is that I’m totally rubbish at it, and that there are now plenty of apps out there that do the same thing, only better.

4. Pointless

This is the slowest quiz show available on UK television, but sometimes that’s what we need. Each round has multiple questions, and the aim is to find the least well-known answer, based on the responses of 100 “random” people. Of course, your aim as the viewer is to work out every answer on the board, then guess the score for each – especially fun if you’re watching as a group. However, sometimes I have serious concerns about the people in the survey. For example, I once saw an answer where less than 20 people had heard of Ed Sheeran, which seems infeasible given his evolution into a bespectacled omnipresence.

The other aspect of Pointless which has kept it on our screens for so long is the rapport between Richard and Alexander. It’s safe to say that at least one of these presenters will elicit a response of “ooh, I like him” from your grandmother, depending on whether she prefers bestselling crime novels or novelty Christmas albums. However, the reason I’m placing Pointless so low is because of the dreaded first round. During this time, Xander (shortening to Alex is far too common, thank you very much) asks the contestants about themselves, and although this is always the most excruciating part of any quiz show, Pointless drags it to new depths of dull.

3. The Chase

Running at the same time as Pointless, and vying for the same audience, The Chase is louder, faster and more ruthless. It has a greater sense of tension, and more opportunities to yell answers at the screen. The concept of pitting ordinary members of the public against quiz masters works well, although the scripted trash talk is rarely delivered with feeling. The questions are pitched at pub-quiz level difficulty, and the multiple choices often leave room for deduction, along with occasional joke answers. It’s just a solid show – what more can I say?

2. University Challenge

Easily one of the toughest quizzes on TV, University Challenge is one of those shows where getting just one in ten questions right makes you feel like a genius. Although it might not seem like it at first, many questions provide just enough contextual clues as a guide, allowing you to draw on multiple areas of knowledge to find your answer. Of course, as a viewer you have the ability to pause and have a bit of a think (but NEVER a bit of a Google – shame on you!) which makes the speed of some contestants all the more amazing. In fact, much of the entertainment value of this show comes from the incredible student participants.

One potential negative is how rude Jeremy Paxman can be. Even if he’s exaggerating his disdain for the camera, these are still real people with real feelings. That even goes for the Oxbridge crowd, which – admittedly – is unduly large. For some reason (yes, they’re clever, sure, we know), Oxford and Cambridge colleges can enter as individual institutions. You could argue that if they combined their efforts, nobody would ever beat them, but STILL. It reeks of elitism. Reeks!

1. Only Connect

My favourite quiz show, hands down – although this isn’t a popular opinion. When I organised my office Christmas quiz, and based my picture round on Only Connect questions, I heard someone exclaim “I bloody HATE this show!” and felt just a little bit hurt.

The reason Only Connect is the queen of quizzes is because you not only need general knowledge, but the ability to link seemingly random bits of that knowledge together. It’s a genius concept. Show people four pictures, or four names, or four symbols, and ask what links them. Better yet, start them off with just one clue, and see if they can guess the connection before anything else appears! This is the fabled five-pointer, by the way, and if you get this… There is no feeling like it. If they put that stuff in pill form, humanity would fall within a week.

The other thing to mention about Only Connect is the quirky sense of humour that pervades the baffling intro, the awkward outro, and the actual questions themselves. Taken together, the show manages to make you feel like part of a niche, like-minded community of weirdos. Unlike University Challenge, it doesn’t feel elitist – although it does feel as if you need some sort of diagnosis to fully enjoy it. For example, there’s often a “joke” (if that’s how to describe it) about Michael Portillo at the end of the show, manifesting in varying degrees of strangeness. This gag has been running since he shifted Only Connect out of its BBC Four slot with a documentary about railways – and in the Venn diagram of viewership for these shows, I imagine there is quite an overlap.

Perhaps one day I will do a deeper dive into why Only Connect is the finest quiz show on UK television. For now, we have reached the end of my contrived list, and I wish you a pleasant week.